Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
