As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The air was thick with penises
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
