i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
