In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
