8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
