I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
