Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
