TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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