Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
