so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
