Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
