so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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