she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
