I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
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Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
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Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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