i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
