Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
