i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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