soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
