So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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