i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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