So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
