her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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