The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
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sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
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The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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