im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
