Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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