my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
