You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
