I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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