I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
