remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
