I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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