You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you have to choose: penises or morals?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
