come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
