when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
