Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
