Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Randomize
