I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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