yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
