Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Mom said you looked used
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
