in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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