u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
