I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
