I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize