i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
