Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
