Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
