i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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