Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize