she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
