Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
