she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
