It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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