bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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