i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
