I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
