Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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