A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
