Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
