My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
