Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
