I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
