I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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