Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
