Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
