It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
