Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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