apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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