so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I want to be your penis for a week.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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