i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
