i just had sex bonerless
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
