dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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