Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
