You can't motorboat a personality
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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