guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
