he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
