my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize