I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Randomize
